Man Marries Tree

October 5, 2008

By Wirral Globe reporter

Unemployed mechanic, Steve Airy, is to marry a beech tree in a civil ceremony tomorrow (Sunday). Arborphiliac Steve, 35, is to take advantage of a new change in the bye-laws of Heswall, Merseyside, which permit legal partnerships between man and plant.

Some beech trees, yesterday.

Some beech trees, yesterday.

The young beech tree, which was unavailable for comment, is said to be already at the site of the ceremony in a small copse by the Dee estuary. The ceremony will be conducted by a druid priest friend of Steve’s, Hans Stamen.

Steve told a Globe reporter, “I met Hans at a music festival in Bala in the early 90s. I was admiring his Austin K9 truck and we struck up a conversation about the root of our desires. It transpired that we both had a deep love for deciduous trees, and the events of this weekend stemmed directly from that conversation. It wasn’t until 10 years later that I met my partner whilst picnicking on the Wirral Way, and our love blossomed quickly.”

Steve is no stranger to controversy. He appeared on Granada Television’s Jeremy Kyle show with his estranged wife, Imogen, in 2001 on a show entitled “My husband would rather service his Range Rover than me!”

Taken from Wirral Globe article, 7/06/2008.


4 Responses to “Man Marries Tree”

  1. Static said

    Goddamn tree hugging hippies. May his wood be devoured by termites.

  2. Qelqoth said

    Fnar fnar…he got wood. Geddit? Got wood? n/m.

  3. phalluscephalus said

    He gets wood – and he makes her sap rise. n/m/h/j/c

  4. Cockslut3000 said

    I married a bush once. But I left when I got a splinter in my girly parts.

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